Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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