she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
