Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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