You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
