I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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