i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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