just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
