I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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