it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
