Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
