The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
