You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she smelled like a LAN party
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize