her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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