respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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