We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize