I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
