my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
