stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
