I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize