we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
