so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
