I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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