hotel room ftw
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
