I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You ruined the universe
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
