I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
