I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
