why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize