People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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