I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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