The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
