I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
