You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
