He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
