Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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