my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
