you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
