i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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