I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
