I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there's paper in my vomit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
