ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
