I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize