i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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