Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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