Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
