i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm too high and old for this...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
