I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize
