We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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