Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
