ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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