Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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