no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
