Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize