You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
