let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
