There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
