Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
