The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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