I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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