Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
