just come out here and I will go home with you...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
they're like a gay fantastic four
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
