i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
