He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
