i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
