Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize