I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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