my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
