i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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