I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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