Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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