Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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