There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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