I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
