I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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