My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
