Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
