I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
