I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
