Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
