I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
