So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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