How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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