i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
