just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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