I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
