i jhust puked up my retainher.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
