he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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