Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
