I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
