I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
