Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize