I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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