so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
