He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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