I hate all girls vehemently.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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