The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
