So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
