She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
