God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize