At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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