I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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