so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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