Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
